Disease of the Heart
by lunaris eques
Summary: Jealousy is a disease that the body can bear but will break the heart...
1. Chapter 1

'I'm home!' Jane shouted as she used her heel to kick the doors closed, the precious parcels of food balanced precariously in her arms. Who walks to the car twice to retrieve two bags? Certainly not Jane. And certainly not when it meant traversing the four flights of stairs, which lead the apartment, twice.

By memory more than by sight she blundered her way into the kitchen and dropped the bags onto the counter, sighing in relief. At 23, and fit from all the recently finished police academy training, Jane was more than capable of carrying a lot more than a few bags of groceries but when her first meal in eight hours depended on it, the pressure was on. She gleefully turned around to holler for her roommates and walked right into the new lamp. The heavy, metal cage slammed right into her temple and stars danced in front of her eyes. She cursed loudly as she stagger back and bumped into the counter, aggravating a job injury from last week. Sometimes being 5'10" wasn't all it was cracked up to be. She keep her eyes closed, promising a stern talk with Riley about the new ornament. The lithe flat mate bought it only last week and already Jane had three altercations with it.

As she contemplate opening her eyes, to check if the world was still spinning, a pair of slim, warm arms encircled her waist.

'Oh Jane, what have you done now?' The soft voice held traces of laughter and the tall woman pouted even as her body relaxed into the embrace.

'I did nothing. It's Riley's new lamp that's out to get me.' She finally, gingerly cracked her eyes open and was met with a pair of twinkling green orbs.

'Oh is it now?' Maura smiled up at her, her smaller frame resting easily against Jane's hips as she leaned back to inspect the new scrape. Jane flinched lightly as the smaller woman touched the tender spot and earned a toot.

'Don't be a big baby, it's just a bump. Put ice on it and no one will be any wiser by tomorrow' She smiled before settling against the raven haired woman, her head coming to rest on Jane's chest. With a sigh, the days stress drained away and the tall police woman let her chin drop atop the mane of impeccable golden locks, her arms coming around Maura, bringing her in close. This was their ritual, her safe haven. Almost every day she would come back from work and would be greeted with an embrace that for purposes of propriety was called a hug. A hug her ass. Hugs didn't last this long. Not that she was complaining.

Jane almost dozed off, the 32 hour shift taking its toll and the small hands tracing patterns on her back not helping.

'How was your day?' The question landed against her collarbone and she sighed happily.

'Long.' She answered, dropping her head so that her temple rested against Maura's forehead. She felt her smile and the small puff of air caressed her neck.

'You work too hard.' She was chastised softly, a reprimand Jane heard almost daily. She glance sideways, their faces so close she could count each spectacularly long eyelash.

'It's the job.' She shrugged, letting her fingers trace invisible patterns over the smaller shoulder.

'Do you ever stop?' The baritone made both of them pull away and Jane dropped her arms, tensions again pulling her muscles ridged. She tried to ignore the small warmth in her chest as Maura's arms still grip her waist loosely. It was snuffed out quickly enough as she detached herself and almost skipped over to Ian who was leaning against the kitchen door. He stood half a head taller than Maura and leaned down for a kiss that made Jane look away. A familiar tightening in her chest spurred her into action, as she tried to occupy her hands with anything that wasn't strangling the innocent man in front of her. She set her teeth and started sorting through dinner.

'Hi man.' She threw the greeting with months of practiced ease, even as her world tinted an ugly shade of green. 'Didn't know you'd be over tonight. Would have gotten more take out.'

'That's okay. We're heading out.' He said and Jane risked a glance his way, which she regretted almost immediately. His arm was around Maura's shoulders and she was smiling at him as if he was the 8th wonder of the world. Anger, completely blown out of proportions, blossomed in her stomach.

'Ah, didn't know that. Shouldn't have gotten the extra portion.' She forced her tone to remain level but something must have shown because Maura looked at her with a mix of curiosity and embarrassment.

'Sorry, forgot to text you about it.' She smiled but Jane couldn't find it in herself to smile back. Usually she totally cool with any of her friends doing stuff like this. It happened often enough. They were all busy people. But with her, with them. Well, that was a different matter altogether.

'Take out, buya!' A chipper, though slightly sleepy voice broke the sudden tension and Jane promised to thank Riley later. Her second flat mate shuffled in, nudging the seemingly superglued couple out of the way and coming to stand by Jane's side. She sent her a reassuring smile, patting her shoulder comfortingly before she turned to take the clean dishes off the drying rack. Of all Jane's friends, Riley was the only one that knew about her… predicament.

'Four plates then?' She asked and Jane dropped her head, suddenly finding the cheap, cardboard box entirely fascinating.

'Nah, we're heading out… now actually.' Ian checked his clock and nudged Maura with his hip. Jane briefly wondered how much a hip replacement went for nowadays.

'Oh.' Riley stopped and threw a quick glance at her tall friend. 'Well… have fun?' She volunteered, already bee lining for the fridge.

'Thanks.' Ian was already in the small hallway tying his shoes but Jane couldn't help but notice Maura hovering. Steeling herself Jane glanced up and immediately zeroed in on sharp green eyes. They looked at each other for half a dozen heart beats before Jane forced a tight smile and returned her attention to piling food on her plate. She could almost feel Maura's hesitance but a shout from Ian had her hurrying away. Moments later the tale tell sounds of Maura's heels could be heard on the wooden floors of the hall and a hurried goodbye before the doors clicked shut.

With a heavy sigh Jane dropped the knife she was holding and leaned heavily against the counter. She hated this, hated every, single moment of it.

'Here, this should help.' A Blue Moon bottle was placed by her right hand and she took a long swing before turning to Riley. The other cop smiled at her and Jane eased back against the counter.

'You on the graveyard shift again?' She nodded to the flannel pajamas adorning her flat mate.

'Yeah, I think Robertson officially hates me.' The smaller woman sighed and looked enviously towards the beer Jane cradled. 'How was your shift?'

'Nothing interesting. Stakeout with Matheson. 32 hours with that man brings a new meaning to the saying 'silent as a grave'.'

Riley laughed, moving to grab their plates, while Jane took the chopsticks, her beer and a glass of water for her friend.

'I know! I can't rightly remember ever hearing anything but grunts coming out of his mouth.' The two sat down on the long couch and Jane flicked on the tv, quickly finding the replay of the days Red Sox – Ace's game. The two ate in comfortable silence, occasionally commenting on the game. Altogether too soon Riley glanced at her watch and got up.

'Gotta go, Robertson will never let me off the graveyard shift if I'm late.' She cleared their plates away and dropped them in the sink. 'You okay cleaning up?' She called, already heading for her room.

'Yeah, no worries.' Jane shouted back and with a final swing of her, now lukewarm beer, rose from the couch. The couple of steps to the kitchen had her cursing and Riley popped her head back in, all the while deftly buttoning up her uniform shirt.

'What up? You sound like an old woman Rizzoli!' She teased and Jane glared at her, rubbing her hip.

'You'd feel that way too if you were slammed against the alley wall by an ex-NHL player and then was attacked by your own kitchen counter. Speaking of our kitchen' Jane pointed to the offending lamp, 'that's gotta go. I mean it Riley, this is the third time I bump into it.'

'Not my fault you're freakishly tall.' Her flat mate shrugged and went off on, what Jane presumed was, the search for the uniform trousers.

'I'm not freakishly tall, this lamp is ridiculously low and stupidly hard. Move it or I will.' Grabbing another beer Jane settled down on the couch, resting against the armrest and stretching her legs out with a groan of pleasure.

'Yeah, well, you're not gonna move for another 4-5 hours, so I'm not gonna worry about it just now.' Riley re-appeared, fully dressed and adjusting her belt. She looked up at Jane and her features softened. 'Sorry about earlier, I had no idea he was here. I would have texted.'

Jane shrugged. 'Woulda had to come back home anyway. Not like I'm gonna be displaced from my own flat.' She muttered, picking at the bottle label. Riley was silent for a moment before pointing out.

'You know they say picking the label off is a sign of sexual frustration?' She barely managed to duck behind the doors when a pillow connected with where her head was a moment earlier. 'Later Rizzoli!' Her laugh echoed before the slam of doors announced that Jane was officially alone in the flat.

She sighed and shimmied down on the couch, flicking lazily through the channels. She contemplated what to do. She needed sleep but was still too wound up. Her hand brushed against her thigh and reached higher but the buzz wasn't quite there. Frustrated she sighed and jabbed the up button on the control a couple more times before the watery eyes of a hippo made her stop. The information under the channel name said that it was documentary about hippo's in captivity. Maura would have found it fascinating.

Within ten minutes Jane's beer was empty and she was out cold, the TV softly droning on in the background.

Cool hands against her forehead slowly brought Jane around. She blinked slowly, her eyes adjusting to the low light cast by the corner lamp, the only thing illuminating the whole room. The soft hand run through her hair and Jane's eyes dropped again.

'Oh no.' She heard Maura's quiet laugh followed by the gentlest of tugs on her hair. 'Come on, you can't sleep on the couch, it's bad for your back.'

Jane grumbled and leaned into the other hand that came up to rest on her cheek. She didn't have to open her eyes to know Maura was smiling down at her.

'Being adorable won't get you out of this one.' The blond admonished and Jane huffed indignantly.

'I am not adorable.' She stated firmly before rolling onto her side and curling around Maura, as she sat perched on the edge of the couch. Her laugh warmed Jane's heart and the hand stroking her back made her draw the blond even closer.

'How about this? Is this better for my back?' Jane mumbled into the neatly pressed dress trousers and risked a glance up. She only caught a glimpse of laughing green eyes before her world was obscured by a curtain of blond locks. Maura's forehead pressed into her temple and her soft laugh ghosted across Jane's cheek.

'Yes but you still have to move.' Opposite to her words Maura stayed still and Jane closed her eyes again, enjoying the warmth and the comfort. She wished she could spend her whole life like this. They breathed in and out, the gentle moves of their heads creating soft caresses.

Jane was almost drifting off again when a sharp puff of air in her ear startled her upright. She looked disconcerted at the blond who dissolved into giggles.

'You did not just do that.' She whispered at the laughing woman. 'Oh, this means war.' Jane grinned and Maura shirked as the tall woman reached for her very sensitive sides.

'Maura.' An annoyed call came from the corridor and Ian appeared in the doorway. Suddenly the warmth and softness of the moment was gone and Jane pulled back, settling upright against the couch. Beside her Maura also subdued, though a quick glance revealed a small smile still playing on her lips.

'You coming to bed?' Ian glanced between the two women and Jane grabbed the bottle on the floor and stood up quickly. Her worlds blackened around the edges and stars danced across her vision. Stubbornly she walked to the kitchen and deposited the bottle in the bin.

'Night.' A soft call forced her to turn around and her heart clenched painfully as she looked at Maura standing with one arm around Ian's waist, ready to go.

'Night.' She called back, her voice rough from the sleep and tight from the green monster that dug its claws deep into her. With a smile, Maura was gone but Jane stayed until she heard the bedroom doors closed. Switching off all the lights she made her way to her room, purposefully ignoring the shuffling coming from the blond's room. Locking her own bedroom door behind her Jane collapsed on the bed and hid her face in her hands. Who knew being in love with Maura Isles would be this hard?

 _A/N: So this is a rather unexpected turn of events. This story was nagging at me for the past few days but only once I started writing it did I decide to make it a R &I fic. That also means that about a third of the way through writing I changed it from second to third person view and switched names, so there might be a couple of leftover mistakes from the switch. For any other mistakes I also apologize and blame the lack of a beta. _

_Will this story go any further? Not sure, guess it depends on the reception it gets. I got a few ideas how to string it along but it can also be a one-shot. I'll leave it as an 'in progress' for now and we'll see but I make no promises._

 _If you liked it, drop a review, they're always appreciated._

 _All the best_

 _Lunaris_


	2. Chapter 2

Jane leaned back in her seat as the plane taxied up to the terminal building. Her flight back from the conference in New York had been delayed twice, adding an extra eight hours to her trip home. Her excitement at LaGuardia quickly turned into annoyance and disappointment as she read the information boards. Yes, she was keen to get back to her own flat after a week of staying in a room with two other female officers. Yes, she was looking forwards to being able to eat more than the crappy burger from the place on the corner because that's all they had time for. But most of all she wanted to see Maura.

The trip had made her realize that her feelings were growing dangerously out of control. Twice she caught herself daydreaming about the blond while a senior officer was talking to her. To count the amount of times that happened during one of the multiple seminars would be pure insanity. A day into her stay Jane was already planning her return. She messaged Maura to see what she was up to and was gleeful to learn she would be in the apartment, Ian-less, when the officer returned. That in turn sent Jane on a tail spin of imagining their reunion.

Jane and Maura were introduced through Riley, who in turn met the blond on a BCU frat party. How the young officer got there, Jane never really understood. Their first meeting was a lot like any other meeting. There were no sparks, no great feeling of recognition. A polite handshake and a few words were all there was to it.

Jane didn't think much of it till a month later when a drenched Maura turned up on her and Riley's doorstep, profusely apologizing for dripping everywhere and hoping she could stay for a few days. The main pipe in Maura's building burst and flooded her whole apartment, including the blond and pretty much everything she owned. After a moment of befuddled silence Jane gathered her wits, stopped staring at the clothes that now clung tightly to the small but shapely form, and invited her inside. Within an hour Maura was settled in, all her belongings drying across the flat and the woman herself was dressed in a pair of Jane's old Red Sox t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, both altogether too big for her small frame. They both sat on the couch, sipping hot chocolate as Maura explained her predicament and promised that the situation was very temporary. While it took three weeks for her apartment to be fixed up, Maura only spend half a year away before the three of them agreed to move in together. After the flooding the blond ended up spending almost every free moment with the two officers. Dinners, movies, skating. They all became fast friends though the relationship between Maura and Jane took a different turn towards the end of those first six months.

They were watching a horror film, all three of them piled onto Riley's bed, popcorn long gone, the half-eaten bar of chocolate on Riley's bedside table. Jane was comfortably wedged in the corner made by the bed and the wall, Maura watching intently right next to her, with Riley munching happily away on the outer edge. As the killer leapt out of his hiding spot Maura let out a small squeak and grabbed Jane's arm. Not her hand or her forearm. Nope, the whole arm, which she clutched with vehemence for the next few minutes. As the movie calmed down, so did the blond but her while her hold on Jane weakened, it was still there. Slightly perplexed and completely unused to prolonged physical contact Jane flexed her arm a bit. Her eyes almost rolled back when short nails scraped gently across her forearm in an almost comforting gesture. God almighty, did that feel good! Not in a strange way, mind you, just… good. Pacified, the tall woman relaxed and let her hand rest on the small hip. It felt altogether strange and slightly possessive but with no complaints from anyone, and the delicious scratching continuing, she let it go and let herself enjoy the moment.

The moment though, turned into another and another and soon the pair was widely known for their closeness. This was very unusual for Jane who was fiercely protective of her personal space. Yet with Maura she seemed to wave it in a second. In return the blond seemed very happy to be attached to Jane in one way or another when they were together. What started as a kidnapped arm evolved into a complicated tumble of limbs whenever the two occupied a couch. Maura even gained the title of the 'Jane-whisperer', as she seemed to be able to calm the tall officer down with a gentle word and a light touch.

One night, while watching a movie, Maura dozed off and Jane took her time to really study her friend for the first time. The three beers on the nearby table put her in a pensive mood and she spend the better part of what was left of the movie looking at the blond. That was the first time something stirred deep in Jane but upon closer inspection she dismissed the feelings as a side effect of the beers. This was reinforced when the next morning the feelings were gone, replaced by the usual friendly fondness. But as weeks turned to months and months turned into two years, what was awakened that night never went away. It grew and grew until Jane looked forward to every meeting, every fleeting touch, every embrace.

And then Ian happened. He waltzed in and suddenly Maura was no longer there. Sure, she lived in the same flat and was there often enough but after the first time seeing the two of them together, Jane vowed to make an art out of avoidance tactics. She smiled stiffly, she dodged meetings that involved the two of them and when forced in the same room, she actively avoided looking anywhere near them. It was honestly exhausting. Within a week of the pair getting together, lying in bed after a long shift, Jane Rizzoli had to accept a simple truth. Somewhere along the way she fell helplessly, head over heels in love with Maura Isles.

So she waited and bid her time and told herself that Ian was like any other guy. He would blow in and he would blow out. She told herself that during the first month, and the second and in the meantime she learned fast how to compartmentalize, trying to tame the raging jealousy that engulfed her any time the couple was together. So when she and Riley got to talking one drunk evening, her best friend was completely shocked as the truth spilled out. And as the months passed and the couple's half-a-year anniversary came up, Jane couldn't imagine not telling Riley, who did everything in her power to help her friend stay sane.

In the past six months Jane also became adept at planning her life in a way that would involve minimal Ian time. She would maneuver her shifts so that she would be in the flat when he was away, or planned her trainings when he was there. Most of all she tried catching as much time with Maura as she could. When Ian was around she was constantly glued to his side but without him, in the privacy of their own flat, it was easy to forget he ever existed. If anything, the enforced separations brought them closer together, even though Maura sometimes seemed miles away while in Jane's arms. And it hurt. Every time, it hurt.

But one thing Jane could always count on was their 'welcome back' hugs. Apart from being away from the happy couple, they were the only good thing about being out of town for a prolonged period of time. And this was all Jane could think of as she waited for her luggage, caught a cab and made her way to their apartment. Originally she was supposed to arrive at 3pm but with the delays it was just past midnight when she finally payed the cabbie and started lugging her bag up the dreaded stairs. Her hope for a happy reunion dwindles as she looked at her watch. Maura was due in class next morning, she was most likely asleep.

Quietly as she could, Jane let herself in and bolted the doors behind her. The flat was dark and quiet, apart from the corner lamp that was always on in the living room. With a disappointed sigh Jane put her bag in her room and quickly changed into her customary BPD t-shirt and shorts before heading to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Chugging it down she started making her way back when movement in the living room stopped her in her tracks. Cursing herself quietly for leaving her gun in the BPD locker, she inched into the room, fully ready to tackle whoever was dumb enough to break into her flat. She inched around the couch when a sudden movement made her jump almost a foot into the air. The couch moved again and upon closer inspection Jane deduced that the wannabe burglar was actually just someone sleeping on the couch and that someone happened to be one Maura Isles.

Unable to stop the grin from stretching her lips, Jane squatted by the sleeping woman and brushed a few stray locks from her forehead.

'Maura, darling.' She said quietly, still aware that Riley was in and sleeping, having finally gotten off the night shifts. The blond stirred, a pair of bleary green eyes slowly blinking awake. Jane pulled her hand away, smiling down at her.

'Hey sleepy head. I seem to remember someone telling me something about couches being bad for backs.' She teased and was rewarded with a dimpled smile and a warm cocoon of arms. This was always the way it had been with them, Maura was the one to initiate the contact. But once that happened all was fair game.

'I waited for you and I think I might have fallen asleep.'

As the small blond burrowed in closer Jane sighed and closed her eyes, finally feeling like she was home. A cold nose pressed in just under her jaw and she smiled pressing her cheek into the blond mane.

'I've missed you.' Jane felt the quiet confession against her neck and strengthened her hold. The hug had now run well past what was considered normal for friends but neither one seemed to care.

'I've missed you too.' Jane admitted quietly and not for the first time wished she could explain just how much. Instead she allowed herself to relax into the moment and into the beautiful woman in her arms. Minutes passed and she felt Maura starting to go slack in her arms.

'Hey, sleeping beauty, don't fall asleep on me.' She whispered and was rewarded by a puff of air across the sensitive skin of her throat.

'But her sleeping is the core component of the whole story.' Came a mumbled reply. 'And I don't want to move just yet.'

Jane's heart grew at those words. Smiling at the woman in her arms she nudged her gently.

'Then move over, 'cause my legs are going numb here.'

Without much fuss, as if they did it every day, Maura scooted up on the couch and let Jane stretch herself out before snuggling back in, partially wedged against the back of the couch, partially splayed on top of the brunette, muttering something about trapped nerves and long legs. Her head rested on Jane's chest, one arm draped across the tall torso. The officer smiled down at the blond and wrapped on arm around her shoulders and the other came up to stroke the slender elbow of the limb that was keeping her pinned in place.

'Comfy?' She murmured and got a sleepy hum in reply. Leaning her head back Jane allowed herself to memorize every part of this moment, from the way their chests rose in unison to the sweetness of the weight against her. One of Maura's legs came to rest between hers and she sighed, gathering the smaller woman closer.

'Your heart's beating fast.' The blond muttered and it took everything Jane had not to laugh out loud at this. How could she explain that her heart beat fast and steady for Maura? How could she explain what she was doing to her? Instead she settled for a partially true explanation.

'My heart always beats fast, it's a family trait.' She prayed the blond wouldn't press further and was saved by the late hour. Instead of pressing Maura just hummed and went back to playing with the sleeve of Jane's shirt. Already half asleep from the long day Jane didn't notice when her hand started running through the blond mane splayed on her chest. It wasn't something she would usually do, almost too afraid it would show the depth of her feelings but as she stilled her hand a small noise came from the form draped across her.

'Nice.' Maura mumbled, clearly half asleep herself. 'Keep going.'

Warm, happy and content Jane did just that till she could keep sleep at bay no more and dozed off, still smiling, her hand tangled in a mass of blond hair.

 _A/N: So here it is. Chapter 2. I honestly didn't think I'd take this story any further but you've been mighty kind in your reviews and so on it goes. Quite a bit of backstory in this one and bit of well-deserved fluff._

 _Many thanks for all the reviews. To broadly answer some points. Yes, it's Ian not Iain and I've amended that in both chapters. Yes, the closeness between Jane and Maura is almost excessive for friends but hand on heart, some people are just like that. And to those who wonder, this is indeed a Rizzles fic._

 _Chapter 3 is in writing as I post this and the whole story has been broken down into the main plot arch. I'm aiming to close it down in 5 chapters, as I am notoriously bad at getting stuck on long fics, so I'd rather give you an ending._

 _Drop a review if you're happy with the fic, we authors always get giddy when reading them._

 _Cheers_

 _Lunaris_


	3. Chapter 3

_18:43 Hey, can you pick me up? My car just died and I locked my keys in. J_

 _18: 56 Maur? Did you get my last text? J_

 _19: 05 C'mon, it's freezing out here! J_

Jane checked her phone again as she climbed the stairs, mildly surprised it still worked after having been drenched along with her in the downpour that caught her just as she was about to head back home. All three messages were marked as delivered. Worry was heavily dampened by a healthy dose of anger. Jane had a very good idea why her friend was not answering. Riley messaged her earlier letting her know Ian was over. Jane briefly contemplated paying her mother an impromptu visit, an idea which made her want to gnash her teeth and pull her hair. But all her plans were dashed when she turned over the ignition in her car and received a sickly splutter back. The next three attempts delivered a similar response. The light drizzle turned into a steady rainfall and in the five minutes Jane spent fumbling under the car hood with numb fingers, she got soaked.

Giving up, she dropped the hood and rounded the car to get back inside and call for help. She pulled the door and was met with resistance. Frowning she pulled harder and glanced at the lock, which was engaged. Sighing she rifled through her pockets in search of the keys but came up empty. Squinting through the window she noticed them on the passenger seat.

'Son of a bitch!' She slammed her hand on the top of the car. A perfect ending to a miserable week.

Her first day back after the conference was spent mostly floating on a cloud of happiness, punctuated by cramps in her back. She woke that morning with Maura still in her arms, snoring softly, her warm hand having made its way under Jane's t-shirt and now resting against her ribs. Smiling Jane shifted gently and her whole back erupted in agony. Apparently twelve hours of sitting followed by a night on the couch was not the best idea. She jerked up with a painful gasp, startling Maura wide awake.

'Hi.' Jane managed to utter before another cramp locked her whole back ridged.

'God, Jane!' Maura swung around, her eyes wide with worry, her hands immediately moving to her friend. 'Here, lie down on your stomach. That's it.' Gently she helped the crippled officer onto the floor.

'I'm sorry Jane, you should never have spent the night on the couch. It's my fault.' Maura worried over her as her small hands kneaded the stubborn muscles. Jane groaned in pain as her roommate hit a particularly painful knot.

'Don't worry about it, I'm fine.' She wheezed out, her knuckles bloodless from where she clenched her fists tight.

'You're not. Your back has taken a lot of hits lately. I should have known better.' Jane turned her head with some effort and glanced up at the blond, whose brows were pulled tight with worry. As she did her muscles finally gave way and she slumped in relief.

'Oh god, thank you.' She huffed, keeping still in fear of another episode. Gentle fingers combed the hair out of her face and stroked her neck.

'How are you feeling?' Maura inquired, letting her hand rest on Jane's neck and the dark haired woman couldn't help but marvel at how it easy it all was.

'Fine.' She rasped out and gingerly tried moving. With Maura's help she managed to slump against the couch, still sitting on the floor. The concerned blond moved to her side, her hand never leaving her neck, the slender fingers stroking in comfort.

'Maybe you should take a few days medical leave.' Maura suggested. 'I can get you in to see Dr. Rosen, he is a specialist in back injuries.'

'Nah, I'll be fine, I just need a few days in my own bed.' Jane smiled at her and received a far more subdued smile back. With a sigh Maura leaned forward and rested her forehead against Jane's temple.

'Take care of yourself.' She reprimanded the dark haired woman softly before settling more fully against her.

Their peace lasted a few minutes before Maura's alarm rang and they both got up for work. A brief hug goodbye saw them both their separate ways and Jane half skipped, half hobbled her way into the precinct. Despite being paired up with Martinez her mood held all the way to the evening, when she waltzed back into the flat with a wide smile and a bottle of Maura's favorite wine in hand. It took her all of three seconds to notice the male pair of shoes and Ian's telltale leather jacket before ice settled in her stomach. As if to prove the point the couple stumbled out of the kitchen, laughing away in a close embrace. Something in Jane tore violently and her stomach clenched painfully. Maura glanced up at her and smiled widely.

'Hi. Dinner's almost ready.' She faced Jane, while Ian slipped his arms around her waist and brought her flush up against him. And for a moment the tall officer seriously considered turning around and leaving. Instead she toed off her shoes and shuffled towards her room.

'I'm not really hungry. I think I'll go lie down.' She muttered, avoiding looking anywhere near the kitchen.

'Are you okay? Is it your back again?' Jane wasn't sure when Maura appeared next to her but suddenly one small hand was on her back and she couldn't stop the flinch as her muscles locked down. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed Maura pull back in surprise but she couldn't find it in her to feel sorry.

'It's fine. Goodnight.' She brushed past the blond and shut the door to her room swiftly. In the solace of her bedroom she let herself drop onto the bed, the wine bottle abandoned on the floor. The image of Ian holding Maura flashed in front of her eyes and she clenched her teeth till her head hurt. God, when would it get better? When would it just _stop hurting_?

Still fully clothed, Jane rolled onto her side, curled up in a ball and tried to forget how her heart ached.

The next morning the officer got up even more tired and short tempered. She silently gathered her things, grabbed a piece of toast and left without saying goodbye. That day she snapped at anything that moved which got her planted in Robertson's office with a verbal reprimand, while the next two days were spent alternating between sulking and growling. Three hours in the boxing gym earned her a set of scraped knuckles and a nasty wrist ache but it let her ease some of the strain.

She barely saw Maura through the whole week. The blond was busy with Ian who was preparing to leave for Africa for a couple of weeks. God damn Mr. Perfect, going off to save the world. So when Friday rolled around, Jane was about ready to call it a week and hunker down with some mindless action movies and a ton of popcorn.

Riley was out on shift so when her car decided to add to her misery, Jane texted Maura, knowing how diligent the med student was with checking her phone. Yet, as she stood in the downpour and minutes passed with no answer, the anger that was simmering the whole week started bubbling up. Finally she caught one of the other rookies leaving the precinct and managed to hitch a ride back with him. The ride was punctuated by an awkward silence after Jane almost bit his head off for pointing out the poor weather and mentioning he couldn't wait to see his girlfriend on the weekend.

Now standing in front of the door to their apartment, Jane took a big breath, trying to control her anger. She needed to get a grip. Twisting the keys in the lock, she let herself in and looked around. There it was, the leather jacket. Gritting her teeth, Jane moved quietly to her room. Just as she was about to make a clean escape, Maura's door opened and the blond peaked out.

'Oh, Jane, it's just you.' She laughed nervously and the officer couldn't help but take a closer look at her friend. Only her head was visible, the rest of her body hidden behind the door, apart from a small part of a naked shoulder. Jane's gaze snapped to Maura's normally perfectly ordered hair and took in the slightly disheveled state that it was in. Oh god… Stumbling back Jane grabbed blindly for the doorknob to her bedroom.

'Yeah.' She managed to croak out. 'Just me.'

'Why are you wet?' Maura frowned looking her up and down. Anger rose again and before she could stop herself Jane blurted out.

'If you'd have checked your phone you would know.' Her hand finally found its destination and with a swift twist she was stumbling back into her bedroom. 'Goodnight.' She muttered before slamming the door. Maura's surprised face still drifted in front of her eyes as she tore her room apart searching for a set of headphones. Victorious she shoved them deep into her ears and blasted AC/DC on full volume. Her eardrums hurt in protest of the violent treatment but she couldn't care less. Curling up on the bed she made herself a promise. If Maura didn't care then neither would she.

The following days saw a shift in the house dynamics. Jane made sure to barely be around, regardless of her earlier promise to treat herself to a weekend of lazy bliss. The lack of any sort of communication from Maura made the self-imposed isolation easier. The blond tried to catch Jane the next morning and apologize for missing her texts but the officer just shrugged coldly and muttered something about it not mattering, before promptly leaving the house. That evening, when she came back from a long walk around Boston and a quick visit to her mothers, which had the woman in hysterics, Maura tried approaching her again but again Jane rebuffed her. With tight lips and a slight frown, the blond retreated, which signaled the beginning of a war of silence between them. All messages stopped and Jane welcomed the fuel to her growing anger. Somewhere deep inside, she knew they were both acting like five year olds, but her wounded heart wouldn't let her be the first to break. Riley walked the flat like the two of them were a bomb set to blow. She tried approaching Jane gently about the situation but even her words of sense made no difference.

Jane spent Sunday in the gym and when she hit the streets for Monday patrol, she could barely lift her arms after taking her frustration out on a punching bag for three hours. That week, she spent more time in the gym, trying to curb the growing fury, than she had in the previous month. Which meant that when a two hundred pound suspect tackled her on Thursday that week, she barely managed to brace herself before being slammed into the wall. Her head snapped and cracked against the wall and the world went dark for a couple of seconds. When she came to the perp was half way down the alley. Suddenly, all the anger that was building up over the past two weeks snapped like a taught cable. Whipping to her feet, Jane tore down the street, ignoring the flames of agony racing down her side. She vaulted across the hood of the oncoming car as their suspect fled across the road and continued after him. Ducking into a side alley he sent a couple of trash cans hurtling under her feet, which she barely managed to leap over. With a final burst of speed Jane launched herself into the air, hitting the suspect at waist level and sending them both tumbling down a set of small steps. Her right elbow and knee skinned raw from where she hit the ground with the perps full weight on top of her, the raven haired woman struggled to get on top of the dazed suspect.

'Stay down you piece of crap!' She snapped, shoving him hard into the concrete before flipping him none too gently and cuffing him. She braced herself against his back, panting harshly to try and catch her breath as vivid red drops splattered across his torn shirt. Gently she touched her cheek and watched with surprise as her fingers came away sticky with blood. Boots of her reinforcement thudded behind her and in a blink three officers were piled on top of the struggling man and two more were pulling her off.

'Christ Rizzoli! You look like shit!' A fellow rookie exclaimed. Jane tried pushing him off but cried out in pain as her side blazed with agony. Blood dripped down her fingers from the scraped elbow.

'Jesus, we need to get you checked out. Dispatch, we need an ambo to Deblois and Deacon. Officer wounded. I repeat, officer wounded.'

The next four hours passed in a flash as the paramedics got her to the hospital and the doctors run a full panel of tests, thoroughly checking her head and stitching up the three inch gash in her arm and the split on her cheek, where it collided with the wall during the first tackle. Through it all Jane sat quietly. As the adrenaline left her, she felt empty and tired. So very tired.

'Officer Rizzoli?' A voice called out and Jane looked up. A small blond doctor stood in front of her. She couldn't have been older than thirty, a pair of big glasses balanced precariously on the bridge of a tiny nose. If she weren't so tired, Jane would have laughed.

'Yeah.' She rasped and was rewarded with a stern look.

'You're a lucky, though reckless, woman.' The blond shifted through the chart in her hand. 'Your ribs are bruised but we can't do anything about that, apart from bed rest and taking it easy. We put ten stitches in your right elbow, so we'll need to see you back here in two weeks to remove them. Your right knee will be sore and in need of re-dressing every day, but should heal in time. Apart from that your head took a bit of a beating and you're suffering from a mild concussion. You need to stay awake for another six hours and can't operate any heavy machinery or drive for the next twenty-four. Is there anyone we can call to pick you up?'

Riley was on night shift and Jane would rather not call her mother from a hospital. Knowing her, the woman would get a heart attack and need hospitalization herself. Maura's name was pressing against Jane's lips but she stopped herself and shook her head. Bad idea.

'My partner can drive me.' She grunted as she closed her eyes against the pounding pain in her skull. Logan Thompson, her current partner, refused to leave her side, probably feeling guilty about letting her take such a beating. That and Jane was fairly sure he had a crush on her.

'Is there anyone there who can take care of you once you get home?'

'Yes.' Jane said, having absolutely no idea if it was the truth. Maura could very well be away with Ian but at that moment she would have given anything to be out of the hospital.

'Very well. I can clear you for desk duty but nothing more, at least until those stitches heal. You should rest at home for at least three days though. Here's a prescription for some pain killers.' The doctor didn't seem completely happy but with a sigh she scribbled something on the bottom of the sheet. 'You're free to go but I'll need to see you back here in two weeks.'

Not wanting to give the doctor a chance to change her mind Jane gingerly hopped off the examination table and hobbled out. Logan was dozing off against the wall but startled awake as she approached.

'How you doin'?' He inquired with genuine concern and Jane shrugged.

'I'll live but I'm under house arrest for a few days. I'll call Robertson but I'll do it form the car. Can you give me a lift to a pharmacy and then home?'

'Sure, sure, this way.'

Forty minutes later Jane bid Thompson a good night and faced the dreaded climb up to the apartment. Her right leg locked on the ride over so she settled for taking it one step at a time, warily and awkwardly hobbling up. By the time she reached the fourth floor, the wounded officer was shaking and out of breath. Her side was sending ripples of pain with every breath and her head was pounding. She fumbled with the keys, missing the lock a couple of times. Finally she wrestled it in and stumbled into the dark apartment, only to trip over her own pair of running shoes. Reflexively she braced herself on her right leg, which, she quickly decided, was a mistake, as the abused joint gave way and sent her tumbling to the floor.

'Son of a bitch!' She groaned as, what felt like, every part of her body pulsed in pain.

'Jane? Are you okay?' The light flicked on and Jane glanced up to find Maura standing in the hallways. The blond took one look at her prostrate and injured roommate and her eyes widened in horror.

'Oh my god! What happened?!' She quickly knelt down next to the wounded officer, helping her in her struggle to sit upright.

'It's nothing, got into a small scrape at work.' She wheezed out.

'We need to get you to a hospital!' Maura exclaimed and Jane waved her away, handing over her discharge papers.

'No need, already spent four hours there.' She tried to ease herself up the wall and the small blond immediately went to help. Jane hissed and shied away when Maura's arm came around her ribs to try and help her up, unknowingly pressing on the bruised area.

'Ribs, ribs! Bruised ribs!' The brunette gasped and the smaller woman snatched her hands away, at which Jane wobbled, trying to find her balance.

'Here, put your arm around my shoulders.' Maura wriggled under the wounded woman's arm and guided her slowly towards the couch. 'Did you get any pain meds?'

'Yeah, paper bag, dropped it by the door.' Jane groaned and leaned back against the pillows, her side still throbbing uncomfortably. The small blond disappeared from a few moments before coming back with a glass of water and two pills.

'Here, take this and drink at least half the glass.' She ordered and Jane did, knocking back the whole drink. Maura plucked the empty glass out of her hand before sitting next to Jane, legs tucked under her, as the taller woman tried to get comfortable, which with a set of bruised ribs was proving to be a challenge.

'What happened?' The blond asked, her hand coming to rest on Jane's thigh.

'A bad chase, I took a tumble down some stairs with a perp. Got a few bruised ribs and a mild concussion.'

'Why didn't you call me? I would have been there with you. I know how much you don't like hospitals. In the least I could have picked you up. How did you get here? Surely you didn't drive?'

Hearing the concern in Maura's voice, Jane suddenly felt very stupid and petty.

'Thought you might be busy, didn't wanna bother you.' She mumbled, dropping her head forward, her hair falling like a curtain around her. She looked at the small hand which stilled on her thigh. Even bruised and battered, she drew comfort from it. 'Thompson drove me back. He stayed in the hospital too.'

For a moment all was quiet and Jane refused to look up, clenching her fists when the small hand withdrew. But only moments later it came back gently pulling her hair back and cradling her face. Using both her hands Maura forced Jane to meet her eyes. They were slightly red rimmed and so very, very green.

'No matter what is happening between us, I will always be there for you. You hear me?' The words were strong and firm and Jane suddenly felt like a small child. 'Your safety, your health, nothing is more important to me.'

'I thought with Ian leaving…' Jane started but was quickly silenced by a finger against her lips. The green eyes were now glazing over, a sheen of tears growing ever bigger.

'You were in the hospital Jane.' Maura whispered harshly. 'You have a _concussion,_ for god's sake! That's a brain injury!' The tears welled over and fell. 'I would have been there.' She whispered. 'I _should_ have been there.' The hand on her lips slipped down to the base of Jane's neck and rested there.

'Hey now, no crying, I'm fine.' Letting go of two weeks on anger in a single moment, Jane reached out and clumsily pulled Maura into a hug. The smaller woman resisted for a split of a second before deflating and with a silent sob folding herself against the wounded officer. With her good hand, Jane stroked the mane of blond hair that splayed against her chest.

'I'm sorry darling.' She whispered. 'I never meant to hurt you.' She felt Maura shake her head against her chest.

'I'm sorry too, I've been so preoccupied with Ian and then last week…' She trailed off and Jane's heart gave a painful tug.

'It's okay. Everything's fine.' She sighed and felt Maura pull back slightly.

'Is it?' Big, green orbs looked up at her intently. 'Is it okay? Are _we_ okay?'

Jane swallowed hard against the emotions which tightened her throat.

'We will be. One day, we will be.'

 _A/N: Wasn't sure I would be able to type this one out today but here it is. Slightly longer, more angsty, for all those who asked for it. Bit more fluff upcoming. If anyone is worried that Jane is acting OOC, love makes you act strangely and insecurities are a bastard._

 _As always, if you've enjoyed reading this fic, drop a review._

 _All the best_

 _Lunaris_


	4. Chapter 4

'Riley! Where did you put the sausages?!' Jane hollered from the garden, balancing a bowl of salad in one hand and a beer in the other. It was a two weeks after her trip to the hospital and to celebrate her return to full time duty, they were throwing a small barbeque. The weather was not perfect and temperatures had everyone in jumpers but sky was cloudless and the spirits high.

'I think they are in the fridge.' Maura said from Jane's side. The tall officer glanced at her and they exchanged a smile. Things had almost gone back to normal after the incident two weeks earlier. Maura had helped Jane, every step of the way and, with Ian gone off to Africa, the two spent more time together than usual. But the shadow of Jane's confession hung over them and sometimes Jane would notice Maura stop herself from reaching out or feel her hesitance in a hug. The old ease with which they would operate was gone. Jane remembered clearly how Maura pulled back and looked at her when she uttered the words 'one day'. Like she too knew something was broken and even if it mended, it wouldn't quite be the same.

The week they spent in their silent war, took its toll. While Jane couldn't bear to hold a grudge against the small blond, neither could she bring herself to trust her as much as she used to. She returned the embraces and reacted to signs of affection but she didn't initiate contact and desperately tried to wrestle her feelings under control. She refused to act like a love sick teenager anymore, though Ian's absence and Maura's almost constant presence made it hard to remember what she was protecting herself against. So she smiled and laughed and tried to recall how she used to look at Maura, before this whole mess. And the more she thought about it the less sure she was if there ever was a before.

'Don't get your panties in a twist Rizzoli, they're commin'.' Joe Cruise sauntered out into the yard, a pack of sausages in one hand and a plate of stakes in the other, followed closely by a nervous looking Thompson. Maura insisted that Jane invite the rookie, as a thank you for his help after her accident. While Jane wasn't ecstatic about the idea she couldn't deny she owed the man at least this much.

'There anything I can do?' Thompson shuffled around nervously, smiling shyly at Jane.

'Umh…' The brunette blinked and couldn't help shooting Maura and annoyed glance. She knew it would end like this. 'You… can… go see if Riley needs a hand in the kitchen?'

'Right.' The man cleared his throat. 'I'll… eh… I'll go do that.' He nodded, sulking away. Jane gazed after him to make sure he was out of view before sighing in relief. Suddenly something pinched her and she shied away with a yelp.

'Ouch! Maur… what the hell?!' She glared at the smaller woman, rubbing her hip.

'You should be nicer to him.' The blond frowned back at her.

'Why? He's acting like a wounded puppy, not my fault and sure as hell not my responsibility.'

'He likes you.' Jane gave Maura a look. 'What? He does!'

'I know he does.' The taller woman hissed, leaning down. 'That's the whole problem. That's why I didn't want to invite him in the first place.'

'He was there for you after your incident, it would have been impolite not to invite him. And besides, maybe you should give him a chance.' Maura shrugged, though her voice lacked much conviction.

'Maybe I should, what?!' Jane chocked on the beer she was sipping. 'Are you crazy?'

'Why?'

'Have you seen the man? He can barely drink beer without asking everyone's permission first. How the hell could I be interested?' Jane glanced around, leaning in to make sure their conversation wouldn't be overheard.

'Not everyone can be as assertive and dominant as you.' The smaller woman stood her ground. 'It's been ages since you've been with someone. Maybe this is the perfect thing for you.'

'The perfect thing.' Jane scoffed, nose wrinkling in distaste. 'He's about as perfect for me as a warm beer on a hot day.'

'You're being stubborn.'

'And you're being pushy. What does it matter to you anyway?' Jane challenged and watched something flicker across Maura's face before she dropped her head.

'I just want you to be happy.' Came a small reply and Jane sighed. She was starting to doubt she could ever be happy.

'I'm fine Maura.' When she didn't get a reply, the tall officer bumped her hip into the smaller woman. 'Seriously, c'mon, I'm okay. I don't need a man to make me happy.'

Instead of replying, Maura slipped under Jane's arm and nestled in, her head resting under the officer's chin. The brunette's heart leapt and she swallowed hard, desperately pulling together the reasons of why she shouldn't be effected. But none of that mattered when she heard Maura's quiet question.

'Then what would make you happy?'

Jane wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry or maybe do both. Her throat worked hard as she pushed back the tide of emotions. It would be ever so easy to tell the truth. To have it out there, to be free from this game of make-belief. But another part of her balked at the idea. What if Maura reacted badly? What if she no longer wanted to be her friend? Jane couldn't really imagine her world without the small blond.

'I…' Her voice cracked and she looked away from the suddenly curious eyes gazing up at her. 'I'm fine.' She finally uttered and could almost feel Maura's disappointment. For a moment Jane thought she would pull away, but instead the blond head came back to rest on her chest.

'You're a good person Jane, you deserve good things to happen to you. You deserve to be happy.'

The brunette couldn't help herself, as she set her beer aside and wrapped her arms around the smaller woman, bringing her in for a proper hug. She felt her companion melt into her, the small hands grasping onto her broad shoulders.

'I am.' She whispered, unable to contain some of the truth from spilling out. 'Right here, right now, with you,' she paused and quickly added 'all of you. This makes me happy.'

Maura pulled back and Jane couldn't help but look down at her. Green eyes caught her and held her captive and for a moment the rest of the world faded away. Then Maura stood on her tiptoes, and grazed Jane's cheek with a lingering kiss and the brunette had to try very hard to remember how to breathe. Slipping her fingers down the tall officer's neck in a quick caress, the small blond disappeared back in the building.

Finally Jane's lungs caught up with her and she gasped for breath, her nerves on fire. By gods, that woman would be the end of her! Trying to get over how flustered she was, she turned to the grill, poking at the coals distractedly.

'You could have just told me you were taken, you know.' Thompson's voice by her side made her jump. The man was standing next to her, holding a bag of burger buns, a frown pulling at his brow.

'I'm sorry?' Jane stuttered.

'I'm not a closed minded bigot, you know? I don't care you're dating a woman.' He huffed, picking at his bottle label.

'I… dating… what?' Jane's brain seemed incapable of coming up with an appropriate answer and she could feel her face growing red.

'You and Maura. It's fine, I just wish you would'da told me, so I could stop making a fool outta myself.' Thompson said clearly, still frowning.

'Me and Maura are not together.' The brunette said somewhat dumbly and earned a scoff.

'Get off it Jane, I saw the two of you together. You don't need to pretend. I'm happy for you, I am, I just wish you would'a trusted me with it. It's not like it's a big deal.'

'But…'

'Look, if you want me to keep it to myself, that's fine. Just tell me.'

'Thompson, you don't understand…'

'Jane, how's that grill coming along?!' Riley's holler interrupted them.

'Just about ready!' Jane shouted back and turned back to continue her sentence only to find Thompson already talking to Cruise.

What the hell was that?! Sweat bedded on her neck. Was she that obvious? What if other people saw? What if Maura saw!? Though Thompson said he saw 'the two of them together'. Jane's heart leapt before being slammed back down by her brain. No, that was just wistful thinking, he must be reading too much into things. But what if she did see it? What if Jane was being played all along? No, Maura was not capable of hurting a fly, much less someone she called her friend. But what if she had a _chance_?

'Jane, the burgers are burning.' Riley complained and the taller officer suddenly snapped out of her inner monologue. Looking down at the grill she saw that indeed the three burgers were almost charred. She couldn't even remember putting them on.

'Sorry.' She muttered, hastily putting on a fresh batch.

'You okay?' She could hear the worry in Riley's voice and couldn't stop herself from scanning the small garden. Almost immediately she caught Maura's eyes watching her intently and she ducked her head back down, shame almost overwhelming her. Understanding spread on Riley's face and she pattered her friends shoulder.

'You want me to take over?'

'Nah, keeps my hands busy. Can you get me another beer though?'

Riley did just that and stayed by her side. It took her a little bit, but finally Jane shook herself free of her daze and rejoined normal conversation. Every now and again she would catch Maura watching her.

As the evening wore on, they moved the party inside and sat in a circle on the floor, laughing away, the alcohol flowing freely. Suddenly Cruise leapt up, only to be steadied by his howling friends and settled back down.

'I have a great idea!' He exclaimed, batting away the helpful hands. 'Let's play spin the bottle!'

This earned another volley of uncontrollable laughter from the group but in no time an empty Blue Moon bottle was spinning in the middle of the floor. It slowed and stopped and pointed and Riley.

'Riley!' Cruise slurred, squinting. 'Truth or dare?'

'Dare.' She taunted back, earning a round of whoops.

'Flash a passing stranger!' Cruise wiggled his finger and there was a resounding cheer.

Riley bared her teeth in a vicious smile and jumped up, swaying a bit, before sauntering over to the window and opening it. Jane hurried after her, grabbing her belt loop to ensure she wouldn't fall out.

'You in a hurry to the front seat of the view, eh Rizzoli!?' Cruise called and everyone including Jane laughed.

'They're totally worth it!' Riley shouted back before leaning out the window, scanning the road below for her victim.

'Oi!' She yelled, catching the attention of a slightly balding businessman. 'Check this out!' She grabbed the edge of her bra through her shirt and yanked both up. Jane was too busy howling with laughter to appreciate the view and pulled Riley back in, causing her to stumble into the taller woman, both giggling uncontrollably.

'Man, you move fast Rizzoli!' Another officer called and Jane flipped him off.

'You just jealous Bailey, cause you can't have any of this!' Riley grabbed Jane's butt, sending the whole room into another bout of hysterics.

Finally everyone was appropriately calmed down and the bottle was spun again, this time landing on Thompson.

'Truth or dare?' Riley asked, taking a swing of her beer, spilling half of it down her front.

'Truth.' Thompson slurred back, struggling to keep his eyes open.

'How old were you when you first did it?' She waggled her eyebrows. Thompson flushed bright red and ducked his head. He mumbled something under his breath.

'What? I don't think we heard you?' Riley pressed and he shot her a nasty glare.

'Twenty three.' He stated and the room erupted again. He ducked his head down but after a few friendly slaps on the shoulder he cheered back up. Reaching out he spun the bottle and they all watched as it slowed and settled on Jane.

'Truth or dare?'

'Dare.' She answered swiftly.

'Fine. I dare you to kiss Maura.'

The room around her was loud with cheers and whistles but all Jane could hear was white noise and all she could see were Maura's large eyes.

'Maura's got a boyfriend.' She croaked out but was immediately waved away.

'So what? Is he here? Also, it's just a stupid dare. C'mon Rizzoli, don't be chicken!' Cruise hollered, thumping her on the back.

'I don't think so.' She tried again, earning a groan from the audience.

'You let Riley grope the daylights out of you but you won't plant one on Maura? What kind of a woman are you?!'

'It's not the same…' Jane argued weakly.

'Tell 'er Maura! Tell 'er she's gotta!'

The small blond was worrying her lip but at the call looked up and shrugged.

'Far as I understand, the rules require the dare to be carried out.' She said quietly, glancing at the brunette, something unreadable in her eyes. Jane's breath caught, while her heart hammered away so loudly she was sure everyone in the room heard.

'There you go Jane! She's fine with it. Get going!'

Maura, who was sitting a couple of spots down from Jane, got up and knelt in front of the taller woman, brushing the wrinkles out of her skirt. She looked up and their gazes locked and Jane felt her control slip.

'I don't think this is a good idea.' She tried arguing one last time but knew she was fighting a losing battle, not only with the rest of the room, but most of all with her heart. It was one kiss, right? She swallowed hard and looked to Maura, her last line of defense. If only she shied away, if only she frowned, Jane could maybe stop herself. But instead the blond tilted her head to the side, smiled gently and nodded ever so lightly. And Jane was gone.

Leaning forward she captured the upturned lips and in an instant knew that things would never be the same again. She held still, her whole body alight, quivering like a taught string. Just as she was about to pull back, she felt a slight pressure against her mouth and suddenly Maura was everywhere, her hands on Jane's shoulders, her lips hot and demanding. And Jane gave her all she had. Hands wounding in the blond locks, she kissed back and felt the smaller woman gasp, pulling her closer, their mouths coming together again and again and…

Just as quickly as it started it all stopped and the world came crashing back into focus. Maura was practically on her lap, wide, green eyes, inches from her own, her face flushed red. Their chests rose rapidly against each other as they both tried to catch their breaths, their pants loud in the sudden silence of the room.

'Holly shit…' Cruise's voice broke the spell and Jane saw comprehension dawning on Maura's face. 'That was fucking hot.' He continued, ignorant of Jane's world crumbling around her as she felt the small blond pull away, her whole body going ridged. Her chest grew tight, her eyes stung and she knew the answer to her earlier question. It could never be just the one kiss. And now they could never again be just them.

Wriggling out from under the blond, Jane scarpered up, stumbling as her world spun a little.

'I gotta go.' She breathed, staggering backwards, unable to tear her eyes away from the look on Maura's face. Her back hit the door frame and she turned on her heel and fled, grabbing her jacket and shoes and bolting out the door. She took two steps at a time until she reached the ground floor, where she paused to hastily pull her shoes on.

Just as she was about to reach for the door a small hand grabbed her arm and spun her around.

'Jane, wait.' Maura was there, her usually perfect hair tussled from where Jane's hands grabbed it.

'I gotta go Maura, I can't stay.' The taller woman tried moving away but Maura wouldn't let go.

'What happened in there?' She demanded and Jane tried desperately not to let the tears fall.

'It was just a stupid dare, it was nothing.' She tried, feeling her heart break at her own words.

'No, no it wasn't.' Maura insisted, stepping closer. 'Talk to me Jane.' She reached up and her soft fingers brushed away the tears that defiantly rolled down the taller woman's face. 'I'm right here, I'm always…'

'No!' Jane burst out and Maura flinched away. 'No, you're not!' A dam was broken and Jane couldn't stop herself. 'You're off with Ian and you can't see the world outside of him. And you can't see me and you can see that I love you, god damn it!' As soon as those words were out of her mouth Jane jerked back, eyes wide, hands clasped across her mouth. She watched Maura blink at her, opening and closing her lips but most of all she saw the way she pulled back and it was enough. With a raw sob Jane turned on her heel and ran.

 _A/N: So there it is. Man, writing this whole chapter was a bit of a wild rollercoaster, where it kinda grew a life of its own. But I hope it didn't disappoint. Apologies for any mistakes that might have crept in during this mad dash._

 _To answer some questions: Jane does care about her own feelings but it's very hard to stay angry with someone you love; I hope in this chapter I showed her struggle with said feelings a bit more. As to the inquiries about prolonging this fic, I still have a few ideas for scenes and moments but for now I am planning to close it down in 5 chapters (only one to go!) though I might revisit and re-write the whole thing at some point in the future (no promises though). I was fairly sure I mentioned that Maura was a med school student at BCU before but when writing 3000 words in a day, some things slip away. So I mentioned it again in this chapter._

 _There we go! As always, review if you like and I'll try and get the last chapter up before the weeks end._

 _All the best_

 _Lunaris_


	5. Chapter 5

Quietly as she could, Jane opened the lock on the door to their apartment and slipped in. The hall was dark and all was silent and she let out a sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was a confrontation with Maura.

'Thank god you're finally back!' A quiet exclamation made her jump a bit. Riley was peeking out of her room and when Jane turned back around to toe off her shoes, she walked across, lying a hand on the taller woman's shoulder.

'How are you doing? Where were you?' She whispered.

'I'm fine, I was just walking around.'

The truth was that Jane spent the first half an hour running, till her lungs were burning and her legs trembling. Only when she felt like she could not take another step did she stop to look around, mildly surprised that she managed to get all the way to the Boston Common. The street lights cast soft shadows, with the occasional runner passing her and a few couples occupying the benches. Finding an empty one, Jane collapsed onto it, trying to get her ragged breathing under control. Maura's face kept flashing in front of her eyes so she screwed them shut and pressed the heels of her hands hard into them, till stars danced behind her eyelids.

The run seemed to work a lot of the alcohol out of her system and her head was now pounding with a fierce headache. Her thoughts were chasing each other like wild rabbits and seemed unable to settle on anything, which meant that when Jane finally looked up another half an hour later, she was no closer to an answer then when she left her apartment building. The world was a bit blurry from the abuse she subjected her eyes to and she spent a few minutes trying to bring it back into focus.

Finally, with what felt like a herculean effort, she pulled herself upright and dragged herself to the nearest pharmacy. The change in her pocket was just enough to buy her a bottle of aspirin and a water. Downing three pills and half the liquid, Jane proceeded to aimlessly wonder the park. In the back of her mind she knew that walking alone at night was a bad idea but at that moment she couldn't think of anywhere else she could go. She didn't have the strength to handle her mother, however much she wanted to just collapse into her arms and sob all her sorrows out. She couldn't go back to the flat just yet, in fear of running into the blond. So instead she kept walking till her feet hurt and dawn started colouring the horizon. And then, slowly and reluctantly, she made her way back.

'Just walking? At this hour? You know better than that.' Riley scoffed at her, leading her into the living room.

'Yeah, yeah.' Jane sighed and dared a glance at the third closed door. 'Is...?'

'Is Maura in? Yeah, she's finally asleep. Cried herself rugged.'

'She cried?' The brunette's voice hitched.

'I couldn't calm her down. She came back and broke down. What the hell happened?'

Jane dropped her head between her knees and laced her fingers across her neck.

'I messed up.' The words were hushed and tight. The pain in her chest returned with vengeance.

'By the looks of it, both of you did. What happened when you left the flat?' Riley pressed.

'I told her I loved her.' Jane whispered, staring blankly at the carpet. Riley's sharp intake of breath made her want to look up even less.

'And what did she say?'

'Nothing.' Jane shrugged.

'Bullshit.' Riley hissed back, finally making the taller officer look at her.

'It's the truth. I told her, she balked and I left.'

'You left!?'

'Quiet down!' It was Jane's turn to hiss.

'God, you're a fucking pair, aren't you?' Riley looked absolutely furious.

'What are you so angry about?'

'Because my two best friends keep hurting each other and I am sick of it!' The shorter officer exclaimed.

'I would never hurt her.' Jane fumed but Riley was having none of it.

'And yet, you sent her into a bout of hysterics that lasted for _hours_!' When the brunette wouldn't respond, her friend sighed. 'You can't keep going on like this. The two of you are going to tear each other apart.'

'What am I to do then? Leave? I have nowhere to go.'

'Talk to her. Properly, without running away.'

'You didn't see her face!' Jane rubbed her eyes, trying to erase the memory. 'She was terrified.'

'Maybe she was shocked, did you think of that? How would you feel if I turned around and told you I loved you?'

'Do you?' Jane glanced at her smaller friend in surprise.

'Not like that, you idiot, but it proves my point. You were shocked, weren't you?'

'It's not the same.'

'Maybe but something needs to change. Get her or get over her, either way, stop moping and get your shit together!' Riley exploded, causing Jane to flinch away in hurt and surprise.

'What the fu…'

'Jane?' A small, sleepy voice called and the taller officer felt as though someone rammed a rod down her spine. All the muscles seized and suddenly she fully understood the meaning of the 'flight or fight' reflex. Every fibre of her being wanted out, out of this whole messed up situation, out of that flat, _out_.

'Maura.' It was Riley who spoke, her gaze darting between the two silent figures.

'You're back.' The relief rung clear as the blond gazed at the silent officer.

'I…' Riley hesitated and then got up. 'I'll leave you two alone.'

'Riley….' Jane growled out a warning but the brunette was already out of the room. In the deafening silence, she dared a glance at Maura. Her friend was still standing in the doorway, her hands nervously picking at the edge of the night gown she was wearing. The small hands and slender fingers plucked deftly at the fabric. The same fingers that were tangled in her hair just hours earlier. Anger and humiliation coiled hot in Jane's stomach.

'I should go.' She stood up quickly.

'We should talk.' Maura's voice was quiet but determined, her small frame blocking the only exit.

'There's nothing to talk about.' Jane looked away. 'Please let me through.'

For a moment it looked like the smaller woman would yield but in the end she stood firm.

'You told me you loved me.' The words felt like a lash against Jane's heart. She swallowed hard and kept silent.

'You told me you loved me, and then you ran away.' Maura continued and Jane couldn't stop the bitter laugh.

'Your face told me all I needed to know.' She mumbled, looking at the floor. When a small hand grabbed her forearm, she couldn't help but flinch.

'Did it tell you, that you're one of the most important people in my life?' At this the brunette's head lifted a bit, as she gazed at the small blond through a curtain of hair. Her friend continued. 'Did it tell you, that when I'm with you I feel safe, like the world can't hurt me? Did it…'

'Please don't.' Jane choked out, terrified to find tears filling her eyes. Angrily she wiped them away and took a big breath. 'Please don't tell me that when you don't feel the same.'

'I love you, Jane.' Maura said softly, her thumb stroking calming patterns on the brunette's arm. Despite her best efforts, tears slipped down her cheeks and Jane finally looked at her friend fully.

'But not the way I want you to.' The hand on her forearm stilled. Jane gazed at Maura, watching the battle within reflecting on the face she knew better than her own.

'I…' The blond started, stopped, shook her head and started again. 'I don't know.' When Jane started pulling away she held on. 'But I know it's you I want to see every day. It's you I want to hug hello and softly whisper goodnight. I want you by my side through the good and the bad.'

'But I want so much more Maura.' Jane breathed, finally moving in closer, bringing her hand up to coup the flushed cheek. Her thumb caressed the soft skin, brushing away the tears clinging to long lashes. 'I want to kiss you good morning and hold you at night. I want to whisper my love, as you lie in my arms. I want _you_ , every, last part of you. The good, the bad, the slightly goofy and the dead serious. For now, and forever.' Jane watched Maura's breath hitch, more tears warming the brunette's hand. She brought her other one up, framing the face, so precious to her. 'But I can't do this anymore. If you can't give me that, I have to find someone who can.'

For a moment all was quiet and still. Under her fingers Jane felt Maura quiver. Her heart called for her to pull the smaller woman in, embrace her, beg her to choose her, to have all of her scared and scarred heart. But if she did that, she knew that she would never be able to let go. So she stood and waited and silence was only filled with the hum of the fridge.

'I can't do this to Ian.' The words fell heavy and Jane felt empty. But before she could pull away, small hands gripped her wrists and glistening green orbs stared into hers. 'But I can't be with him, knowing what I feel for you.'

Suddenly Jane felt like there was not enough air in the room. Her head spun and she blinked repeatedly, trying to clear away the haze that seemed to come over her.

'What are you saying?' Her own voice sounded distant and very high pitched in her own ears. But everything snapped back into full clarity when Maura stood up on her tiptoes and ever so softly pressed her lips to Jane's. Suddenly the air was clear and her head was no longer ringing. Before she could return the kiss, the blond pulled away.

'I need time to sort this out.' Her words were clear and calculated. 'I need to talk to Ian, I need time to understand this. All of this. But,' the blond looked her straight in the eye, 'I know, I don't want to do any of that without you by my side.'

'Please, don't ask me to wait for you.' Jane choked on the emotions swelling in her, her heart hammering against her chest. 'I don't think I could wait much longer.'

'Not for me.' Maura's hands slid down her arms and linked with her own. 'With me. Wait with me.'

 _A/N: I am so sorry this took so long! I had it all planned out and then I had to move and then I just couldn't seem to put the right words together and then life got crazy. But finally, here it is. I originally wanted to write something akin to an epilogue in this chapter but when I wrote those last words and re-read them, it just felt right to end it there. I am fully aware it might ruffle some feathers but I feel leaving it open like this allows you, the reader, to come to your own ending, if you want to._

 _Now for a final round of broad review answers. I completely understand if this fic doesn't do it for everyone. I am of a belief that if you write something absolutely everyone will like, you gotta make it pretty bland. So if you're disappointed in this fic, I'm sorry._

 _As to the point that everyone is acting like 15 year olds, I take full responsibility for not making it clearer that the whole gang is aged between 22 and 25. I'll amend this in one of the earlier chapters. And if this author knows anything right now, it's how people at that age act._

 _In regards to Maura leading Jane on, I'm sort of considering writing her side of all this at some point to show that she is just as affected and struggling. I write my characters as I see them, human. They're not perfect and they'll make mistakes and they'll want two things at a time and they will hurt other people, even if they don't mean to. That's just the way life is. Just as Jane is struggling with her feelings, Maura is struggling with hers._

 _I feel I've not made a point enough of Jane being a young cop in this fic. She's not quite the rough and tough detective we know. She's a young woman struggling with something she's never encountered before. So she'll get mopey and confused and will do some stupid things. Alas, the heart wants, what the heart wants._

 _Finally I wanted to thank you all for reading, for all the wonderful reviews and the warm reception this fic got. You made this happen, when I wanted to leave it at one chapter, so to all of you, very sincere thanks._

 _Till the next time,_

 _Lunaris_


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